After a lackluster-at-best summer movie season, we have all been (strangely) blessed with an incredible 09-10 season to look forward to. I seriously haven’t been this jazzed about movie-going in a few years. It seems that an amazing new debut is announced weekly at this point, which is really cutting in on my Hollywood bitching time. Below, I’ve created a haphazard, make-shift rundown of what I am absolutely chomping at the bit to see in the upcoming season:
The Road-Cormac McCarthy’s novel’s big screen adaptation was recently pushed back to Thanksgiving, frightening me all the more as I fear that studios are losing faith in its bankability.
Alice in Wonderland-Tim Burton’s CGI-fest update of Lewis Carrol’s classic. Though I am EXTREMELY skeptical, Depp as the Mad Hatter with Matt Lucas, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway, Michael Sheen, Crispin Glover, Stephen Fry, and Alan Rickman are keeping my cries of “CGI-FOUL!” at bay.
Iron Man 2-I’m intrigued to see Downey fight Mickey Rourke. Intrigued enough to include this entry on this list. Past that, to be honest, I don’t see this film panning out much differently than its predecessor, but, as long as they deliver on some great Downey/Rourke headbashing, I’ll be content.
The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus-This is, hands down, the crown jewel of this list. Terry Gilliam’s fantasy epic starring the late Heath Ledger had to improvise with its script as Ledger passed away during filming. So what is one of the most revered directors in Hollywood to do when he loses his lead actor? Simple, he calls in Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Ferrell to replace him. All in one movie. Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Colin Ferrell, and Heath Ledger all play the same role. I was trying to come up with a new word to describe this event, but I simply can’t.
Zombieland-I’m not even a self-professed zombie-buff like many of my co-horts, but the trailers for this endeavor look too astounding to pass up. Watching Woody Harrelson annihilate zombies while taking the less-than-menacing Jesse Eisenberg under his wing is all I wanted over the summer ’09 movie season. Was that so much to ask?
I Love You Philip Morris-Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor in a dark comedy about an inmate who breaks out of jail once his lover is released from the same prison. I love Jim Carrey. I love Ewan McGregor. I love the premise. I Love You, Philip Morris. (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
A Christmas Carol-Robert Zemeckis retells Dickens’ classic utilizing Jim Carrey as Scrooge and all three ghosts. Need I say more?
Fantastic Mr. Fox-Wes Anderson helms this Roald Dahl retelling with a cast the likes of Meryl Streep, George Clooney, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, and Owen Wilson. CAN. NOT. WAIT.
Inception-Christopher Nolan’s first at-bat (no pun intended) since The Dark Knight. A sci-fi/thriller starring Leo DiCaprio. How many good things can we combine into a single movie?
Youth in Revolt-Michael Cera adopts an alternate persona all in the hopes of wooing a love interest. My description doesn’t do the title nearly as much justice as images of Cera with a faux mustache.
Bronson-Having been called A Clockwork Orange of our time, Bronson chronicles the true story of Charles Bronson, the prisoner, who attained superstar status from simply being an unruly inmate.
(Untitled)-An art flick commenting on the absurdity of art flicks and art in general. Seems to be everything Art School Confidential promised to be but failed to deliver on.
Gentlemen Broncos-Jared Hess’ latest directing forray is a surreal fantasy about a down-on-their-luck sci-fi writer who steals a young boy’s manuscript and profits greatly. I was sold upon reading “A surreal fantasy.”
The Box-Richard Kelly (who I’m STILL giving credit for Donnie Darko) directs James Marsden and Cameron Diaz in a thriller about a married couple who discover an obscure box left on their doorstep. Try to forget Southland Tales for just a minute and remember: James Marsden.
World’s Greatest Dad-This could very well be the role that brings poignancy back to Robin Williams’ career. Williams plays a failed poet father who finds his son dead due to auto-erotic asphyxiation. To lull his son’s unfortunate fate, he writes a beautiful suicide note that gets absurd publicity and paints his son as a genius. Williams then must decide whether to out himself as the genius or maintain his son’s newfound celebrity. Did I mention that Bobcat Goldthwait is helming the project?
The Vampire’s Assistant-All production stills simply do not do this flick justice, you HAVE to check out the trailer. Otherwise it just looks like John C. Reilly attempting a recreation of Nic Cage’s The Magician’s Apprentice, and that isn’t even out yet! This quasi fantasy-quasi comedy-quasi drama seems to be perfect for John C. Reilly who stars in the lead role. After pulling schlock duty at the Apatow-Factory for the last few years, it will be good to see him be able to stretch again and actually play with something with some meat to it.
Where the Wild Things Are-Spike Jonze’s adaptation of everyone’s favorite children’s book looks amazing and I’m very curious to see how good/bad it pans out.
9-Back to John C. Reilly! This voice cast is amongst the best I have seen in years. Christopher Plummer is a catch in any medium.
The Lovely Bones-The trailers all look AMAZING and have kept my appetite satiated for this neo-fantasy thriller involving a young girl slain before her time and her attempt to reach out from beyond the grave.
Big Fan-Patton Oswalt has put down a show-stopping dramatic performance that has stunned and stupefied most critics with its un-abashedly powerful and sincere dramatic intent. Oswalt steps out of the image he has been stereotyped with and fully explodes on the scene with a (hopefully) attention grabbing portrayal.
Not Quite Hollywood-A documentary (which I am usually a sucker for) about the explosion of the Australian film market in the ’70′s. Pure. Genius.
Kick-Ass-Michael Cera and Nick Cage star in Mark Miller’s adaptation of his own graphic novel in which an everyday kid takes on the mantel of the superhero. Miller’s graphic novel has a die-hard, monstrous fan base while being a relatively new title. Plus, Nic Cage.
Cold Souls-Paul Giamatti plays himself in a Being John Malkovich sort of drama, in which Paul, a successful actor, takes part in a breakthrough soul-removal-procedure.
This entire effort seems fairly frivolous, because, while this is all I can think of now, as soon as I finish writing this article, fourteen more trailers will be released and will stupify me. I’m FAR from complaining, however, as it has been years since I’ve been anywhere near this excited about anything Hollywood has done. Happy movie-going everyone!
While not too long ago I wrote a page about the overwhelming dearth of sequels, prequels, reboots and remakes that are currently cropping up and strangling the grape vine of creativity in Hollywood, there recently has been a mini-revolution forming just under the surface of Hollywood’s cold, icy exterior of titles that have actually inspired hope in the face of a crippling wave of lifeless franchise flicks.
First off, Derrick Comedy’s Mystery Team. Described as a mixture of Scooby-Doo and Super Troopers, the ingenious sketch groups first foray into the feature length market premiered at Sundance to rave reviews, yet, failed to inspire enough faith in its marketability to secure a distributor; until now. Just recently, Lionsgate’s Roadside Attractions monicker picked up the film for distribution, giving the film a second chance at life.
I Love You, Philip Morris was stuck in much the same state. The comedy which sees Jim Carrey play a homosexual in prison who falls in love with his cell mate and attempts to break out of jail once his cell mate is released. Being a HUGE Jim Carrey fan, the premise sounds wonderfully original yet distributors had cold feet about the project’s homosexual undertones. Finally, Consolidated Pictures Group picked up the piece and will be releasing it shortly.
Another title that has been mired by release issues but just recently broke through to see the light of day is The Road. Set in a post-apocalyptic dystopia where cannibalism abounds, The Road follows a boy and his father on their quest to find food while avoiding peril at every junction. While the Cormac McCarthy novel-inspired film never had a problem securing distribution in the way of the Weinsteins, the film has been sitting in limbo for quite a while as it was supposed to be released to be a contender last Oscar season due to “Visual effects issues.” Many speculated that this ambiguous heading spelled doubt and a lack in confidense from the Weinsteins themselves, however, sure enough, The Road has been re-slated for an October 2009 release, just in time to play a role in the upcoming Oscar season.
Out of troubled film news and into films yet to be completed, Christopher Nolan’s Bat-sandwiched Inception looks to be another classic work by the director who can seemingly do no wrong. Little is known about Nolan’s next work other than it is described as “a contemporary sci-fi actioner set within the architecture of the mind,” and it stars Ken Watanabe, Michael Caine, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Cillian Murphy. The director alone would bring me to my seat, not to mention the bevy of acting heavy hitters.
And of course, behind Inception, Nolan is expected to follow up with a third Batman that I will see even if he does cast Cher as Catwoman (at one time an ACTUAL rumor). Rounding out the other superhero themed could-be-goods are Iron Man 2, Thor (Kenneth Branagh is attached to direct), and Spider-Man 4 as Sam Raimi has gone on record to say that he wants to patch up the errors he made in Spidey 3 and produce “the best [“Spider-Man” movie] of the bunch.”
And since it seems that you can never have too much Robert Downey Jr. anymore, I am also immensely excited for the Guy Richie-helmed Sherlock Holmes slated for release in December of ’09.
Judd Apatow’s Funny People looks to be an immense winner as it will tie the Apatow family and the Happy Madison behemoth together to (hopefully) produce one superstar of a comedic drama. As much of a Adam Sandler fan as I am, his comedic work as of recent has seemed lackluster at best (while his dramatic work has soared to levels that NO ONE thought him capable of) and gone seem to be the days of his comedic classics such as Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison and The Waterboy. Perhaps pairing with a certified juggernaut in the form of Apatow’s production team will be enough to kickstart the funnyman’s comedy muscle again and get him back to helming the quality comedy that I know he is capable of.
And finally, in classic comedic muscle news, there’s Ghostbusters 3. Now, normally I am COMPLETELY against junctures like this one where a classic, beloved franchise is unearthed an inappropriately amount of time after the series has CLEARLY run its course (see: Indiana Jones). However, I cannot help but become giddy over the prospect of this film. And here’s why. ALL the original cast members (sans Rick Moranis) are back to reprise their role. And while Reitman seems to be too busy to pick up at the director’s chair, Ramis has been rumored to be willing to step up to the plate and assume the role! Of course, I will be the very first to come out and say how easily this jaunt into nostalgia could turn out awful (it’s been over twenty years, people) but at the same time, for reasons I can only partially explain, I really want to see this title succeed. Which is proof that I don’t instantly start to froth at the mouth once I hear the word ‘sequel.’ Only when I hear the words, ‘George Lucas.’
In more Geek-related news, immediately after I watched the following video, my exact emotional reaction went something like this: I immediately lost LOADS of respect for the new, Chris Pine-helmed Star Trek; then, I felt less upset about Star Trek and lost all faith in Hollywood writers again, as a whole. Part of the problem, and the reason that MANY story’s adhere to this classic narrative approach, is that many writers in Hollywood follow a very succinct formula to get their script into the hands of the soulless, lifeless Hollywood bigwigs that have enough clout to OK their project. The bigwigs know exactly what they’re looking for in a script (The Whitest Kids U Know have done an incredible sketch about it, actually, watch.), and will only snatch up what they have discovered works across the boards with test audiences. Many (including /film) blame the Joseph Campbell-inspired Heroes Journey model that universities pump out and that many writers look towards as a ground plan for their work. I, however, put the blame in no way on an old, tried-and-true model that described how epics work, and instead place the blame on myself and all of you, the consumers. The studios only curtail ‘what works’ to actually mean ‘what sells.’ If people weren’t paying for this certain ‘business model’ of storytelling, we wouldn’t see it, rather, we’d see another, different cookie-cutter story model. But, I digress. This video does a great job of echoing what I always end up screaming eventually, “THERE’S NOT ONE ORIGINAL THOUGHT IN ALL OF H’WOOD!!!”
P.S. The saddest part is that I really liked Star Trek.
This is insane. Absolutely insane. I have been bitching about the dearth of creativity in Hollywood for years now, blubbering about the black hole of originality that the studios seem content to simply stew in. Unfortunately, the viewing public doesn’t seem to mind. Box office sales for that trainwreck Indiana Jones 4 hit $700 million worldwide. I got news for ya, people, studios see a number such as 700 million and instinctively go, “WE NEED MORE!”
To prove my point further that there really and truly is a glut of unoriginal, hack writers, producers and directors owning Hollywood right now, take a look at this incredibly long, sad, and pathetic list of upcoming sequels:
Predator sequel entitled: “Predators”
Alien prequel
Drop Dead Fred remake
Wall Street 2 starring Shia LeBeauf
Clueless sequel
Who Framed Roger Rabbit sequel
Adventures in Babysitting remake
Indiana Jones 5
Fast and the Furious sequel
Tron reboot
Robin Hood reboot
Terminator: Salvation
Transformers 2
DaVinci Code prequel: Angels and Demons
Clash of the Titans reboot
Odysseus reboot
Night at the Museum reboot
Twilight sequel
2 Harry Potter sequels
Wanted sequel
The Mechanic remake
Star Trek reboot
S. Darko: the Donnie Darko sequel
H2: Halloween remake
Crank 2
Nightmare on Elm Street remake
Videodrome remake
Tintin sequel
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot
Toy Story 3
G.I. Joe remake
Sin City 2
Spider-Man 4
Sherlock Holmes remake
X-Men: First Class
Batman 3
Iron Man 2
Ghostbusters 3
Now granted, some of these films I am EXTREMELY excited for. Ghostbusters 3, Batman 3, Sherlock Holmes, TMNT, and a few others (most of the bottom of the list), but it only further serves my point that all we have to look forward to are reboots and revamps of previous franchises. Where’s the new material? Other than Humpty Dumpty and Sucker Punch there is absolutely nothing up-and-coming and original that has me excited. How in the world can this many people involved in “the art of film” come up with this mega-list of repackaged material? A good remake or sequel here and there is wonderful. I loved The Dark Knight. But this? Yikes.
Interesting article from Variety. It would appear that some major players from the MPAA converged on Capitol Hill with lawmakers to discuss the future of the movie industry in relation to the country and the economy. Apparently, in February, the Motion Picture Industry lost $246 million in revenue due to revised tax breaks in the Obama administration’s stimulus bill. This decision came hot on the tails of the Motion Picture Industry’s record-breaking box office month of January. Hollywood appealed to Washington stating that the Entertainment industry is crucial to the nation’s economy and its eventual recovery.
While 90% of this meeting was the usual blowing-smoke/ass-kiss fest that all lobby meetings in Congress are, I actually see the merit. Of course, I’m biased. I love film and honestly want to devote the rest of my life to the medium as an art form. But (and not to get too artsy-fartsy on you) there is something to be said about the American tradition of cinema and having that natural release available to the masses that only celluloid can deliver. Because with cinema comes the capacity to dream. To imagine. To hope. And at no point in America’s history do we need more hope than we do know. Disenfranchisement and disillusionment are running rampant in this country right now, and I truly believe that most people need to have their spirits uplifted, they need to be entertainedthey need to share a moment with a loved one in front of a silver screen, they just need to smile. And film seems to be the one artform that is most capable of accomplishing those things across the board. Not many people escape through painting or sculpture. People’s musical interests are too incredibly varied, plus, there’s this weird stigma in our culture that music is the one validated art form and to take it away is a crime. And few people truly read for leisure. I am in no way, shape or form discounting these art forms, they are all equally important. But, that being said, I believe that we need cinema just as much, if not more. For the cinema presents physical, human experiences right in front of us to enjoy. Sure, they’re contrived. But that’s what is so beautiful about them. With cinema, we can create the experiences that we would have never had, otherwise. We can dream whatever we want. We can envision whatever we want. We can idealize whatever we want. And in this time of misery and despair, the opportunity to imagine something, anything, is a golden one.
I really wish I had been able to see the above musical, I’m sure it would have made it on this list. Speaking of this list, this SURELY (how do you convey sarcasm in print?) will be a top post. The funny thing about this list is that despite absolutely no one caring about it, those who do will probably turn it into one of the most contested. Anyways kids, while musicals are definitely one of my least favorite genres of entertainment, they have still managed to spawn some of my all-time favorite cinematic endeavors. I find that the best musicals (and there aren’t exactly a ton of them) are the ones that keep you so enthralled you don’t even realize they’re…well…musicals. There were a lot of close calls and runner-ups, such as Sweeney Todd, Oliver!, and Godspell, but when it came right down to it, I just selected the musicals that I most enjoy watching again and again.
5. The Producers
This musical receives points right from the start. The Producers was written, and directedby Mel Brooks. And if that sheer fact alone doesn’t give the production merit, Gene Wilder co-starred with Zero Mostel as the nebbish Leo Bloom. As one of Brooks’ first works, The Producers has become a comedy classic over the years with its brilliant dichotomy of the relationship of art and money and its hilarious treatment of the genre with classical numbers such as ‘Springtime for Hitler.’ The Producers has even enjoyed a revival recently with a broadway adaptation that ran from 2001 to 2007 and a cinematic remake starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick.
4. My Fair Lady
Pygmallion never looked so good. Shaw’s original work was adapted to fit the silver screen in 1964 starring Rex Harrison and the incomperable Audrey Hepburn. Audrey brought an incredible vitality and regal fragility to Eliza that many would argue was counter-productive, however, it made the character stand on its own as more than just gutter trash, but a living, breathing human being who really had just been born on the wrong side of the fence. Hepburn’s portrayal of the fierce flower girl paired with Harrison’s unrelenting, unfeeling portrayal of ‘enry ‘iggins made this work crackle with virility and magic. Ahhh, do you hear that, boys and girls? That’s the sound of Old Hollywood. It’s waving goodbye and never coming back.
3. The Wizard of Oz
It’s funny, but whenver people seem to talk about musicals, this one seems to completely slip their mind. The Wizard of Oz was a masterpiece of cinema FAR ahead of its time. Still considered one of the pinnacles of fantasy, Victor Fleming’s epic stretched every Hollywood convention at the time to its hilt to produce this astonishing beauty. It made great use of the newfound Technicolor! technology while utilizing all sorts of effects and generic theatrical conventions of which still stand the test of time today. All the musical numbers are poignant, catchy, and can stand the test of time. Just try to keep yourself from humming the scarecrow’s theme. ‘Oh, I, could tell you why…’
2. South Park
A masterpiece of a movie, let alone a musical. Everything good about the cartoon was brought to the big screen in a script that was sure to dissapoint and, instead, delivered more than its fair share of awesome. Honestly, how many cartoons do you know that have made a successful transition to the big screen, let alone a MUSICAL transition. With musical numbers such as Blame Canada, Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch, and What Would Brian Boitano do? South Park asserted its ability to keep you laughing while writing an amazing soundtrack to boot.
1. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is, without question, in my top 5 movies of all time. So, naturally, it should ring true as my favorite musical, as well. Gene Wilder portrays the quintissential ring leader of this magical exploration into every child’s factory of fantasys. All the while rewarding sinful behavior with equivalent punishment. Not a single part of this 1971 classic dissapoints. If you haven’t seen it, BUY IT. If you don’t like it, hold your breath and count to 48,139.
Interesting developments in LA-LA Land…Zach Snyder’s latest project, Sucker Punch, has lost half of its cast due to “scheduling conflicts.” The boys over at slashfilm (who I grifted this story from) seem to think that Snyder’s inability to deliver with Watchmen at the box office may be a component as to why half his cast is ebbing away. Evan Rachel Wood, Emma Stone, and Amanda Seyfried have all dropped and have been replaced by less expensive actresses, such as, Emily Browning, Jamie Chung, and Jenna Malone (The only validated one out of the bunch for her work in Donnie Darko). Apart from the news about Jenna Malone (who I think is actually an upgrade) it’s very disheartening to see Snyder’s project falling apart. The Alice in Wonderland-esque story description found in the above link to /film sounds incredamazing. Hopefully, it won’t be daunted by Warner’s downgrading of its budget/cast.
So, in my usual way, I’d like to take this opportunity to explore a barely-related tangent. I am a self-professed nerd. I ADORE comic books, superheroes and the like and have been especially pleased with the revitalization of the cape and cowl at the box office. However, I’m becoming more and more afraid. The only reason that superhero flicks have obtained the adequate funding that they need to be fully relized on the silver screen, is because Hollywood is banking off of the profits established by the Spider-man franchise, Iron Man, and The Dark Knight, to name a few. As soon as profits start slipping and the genre becomes financially undesirable, the age of heroics onscreen will be as quickly abandoned as it was picked up. After Watchmen’s flaccid delivery after a WAY hyped pre-release and with the upcoming Wolverine flick’s ginormous propensity to equally suck, it looks as though we may be headed for some rough cinematic seas in the comic realm.
Of course, all of these noted films are in the present, whereas the future is what we can look to for an indication as to whether or not we comic-lovers are able to breathe easy for the future of our beloved franchise films or if we’re officially screwed. And my verdict is that we are officially, without a shadow of a doubt, screwed. The upcoming crop of hero franchises in pre-producition are as follows: Thor, The Avengers, Iron Man 2,The Green Lantern,Magneto, X-men: First Class, Sin City II, Ant-man, and G.I. Joe among others rumored to be in talks. When you step back and look at this list, you release the absolute breadth of the storys involved. All of these franchises are big, sweeping, epic stories(sans Ant-Man), incaple of being produced for anything short of The Dark Knight’s production value. Thor is a mystical Norse thunder god, The Green Lantern is a space odyssey, X-men simply needs to up its value after seeing some of the screens from Wolverine, and The Avengers is the franchise where all these heroes converge. What I’m trying to say is that there is a HUGE margin for error in the production of theses up-and-comers. As I have stated before, we have barely mastered the approach to comic books steeped mostly in reality (i.e. Spider-man and batman), we are NOT ready to take on mystical outer space warfare and the greatest collection of spandex-covered heroes in history. We simply aren’t ready to produce these kinds of work, from both a production standpoint and from a treatment, or a writer’s standpoint.
Hollywood is a fickle beast, to say the very least (Hey, that rhymed). Once these films start bombing in succession (and believe you, me, they probably will) Hollywood will see the gaping wound it has produced, stop the bleeding, and then routinely move on to some other manner of business (fire up High School Musical 8, boys!). We have to take our time and step away from certain super hero franchises before we prematurely explore them all in the form of sub-par cinema. (See The Hulk and The Punisher for, not two, but FOUR perfect examples of this.)
Thank God Eminem is back. As that opening statement declares, I am a huge fan of Mr. Mathers. That is, I WAS a huge fan of Mr. Mathers, until he released Encore, at which point I immediately stopped. Because, for me, Eminem represents more than just AMAZING beats and splendid, witty verses. Eminem is one of an incredibly small handful of rappers that have a God-given ability to produce rap/hip-hop (whatever you kids are calling it these days) without sounding EXACTLY like every other song out there. Nothing involving ass, weed, jailtime, booze, clubbin’, or ass. Yes, I said it twice because it seems like every single top 40 song I hear begins with it and ends with it.
But with Encore, Eminem fell into the very trap he had so successfully skirted for his initial three albums. The song Ass Like That was about…an ass like that. Mosh was a simplistic, obvious rally against Bush, Mockingbird was a worn-out played up ode to Haley, and the titular track, Encore set the mood for the entire record as an edgeless, whiny ramble-fest. The only two tracks with any merit, Just Lose It and Like Toy Soldiers had respectable features to both of them, but were lost in the myriad of crap that this record had to offer. As I said, the whole effort just felt like a half-assed bunt attempt by Mathers, rather than his usual home run. It felt as though the edge was gone and instead of aggressive, impassioned lyrics, the entire stock just sounded whiny and dated.
Encore came out in 2004. In ’05 Em released Curtain Call, but it was mostly just a greatest hits record (however, FACK was released with Curtain Call and it remains one of my favorite Eminem tracks, ever). That leads us to the present and the release of his new single, We Made You. And let me tell you, I think the original Eminem is back in action. While some of it may feel a little like old hat for Eminem and his legion of listeners, for the most part the premiere track comes across as purely refreshing. No more faceless, recycled booty shakin’ songs. No more obvious beats coupled with hideous verses such as,
“The way she moves she’s like a belly dancer
She’s shaking that ass to that new nelly jam, I”
Only Eminem destroying Hollywood for four minutes and forty eight seconds. The only thing that trumps it is the video that accompanies the single (which I have included below). Of course, this is only one track off of an entire album, but I’m hoping that the five year hiatus Mathers has been on will insure that we have the original, uber-talented Marshall back for good.
I recently saw Liam Neeson’s newest vehicle, Taken, and I must say I was quite TAKEN by it! Muah haha ha hahahaha.
Anyway, the movie truly did delight me as it delivered everything it promised and nothing that it did not. The plot moved at 100 miles per hour and kept you on the edge of your seat, providing forwards the entire time to whet your appetite and keep you enthralled. There were no stupid plot twists or awkward moments between Liam Neeson and his ex-wife. It was simplistic. Liam Neeson’s daughter has been kidnapped and he has a set time table in which he must rescue her. Done. End of Story. Roll footage.
And the best part about this clean-cut, bare bones plot is that it still delivers. Without any ridiculous, unnerving plot twists, or ‘unique’, probing views into the minds of the characters to ‘see what makes them tick.’ In fact, without all these additional story elements, the movie delivers better.
Lately, however, Hollywood has been dabbling in Hyper-realism. With The Dark Knight, director Christopher Nolan took every possible element of the story and made sure to immerse it in the confines of our physical world, all along the way fleshing out the man behind the mask in terms of his psychological profile. Which is fine, really, I love a good melodramatic concept or a convoluted plot piece to help spice up a thriller, and it clearly worked wonders for Nolan, twice in fact.
But lately things have just felt so…forced. You see, the beauty of Hollywood is that it can deliver on things that we can only imagine in our wildest fantasies and imaginations. That’s why it’s called escapism, because it allows us to break out of the doldrums of our monotonous, everyday existense. While I am in no way, shape, or form panning realism, (I truly adore it and think that some of the most beautiful work on film has been captured from a realistic perspective) I do, however, miss the sensationalism that used to be commonplace at the cinema. In the late 80′s and into the 90′s it seemed like imagination-stretching and hyper-fantasy were here to stay. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rocked full blown, Henson-esque exteriors and were treated as legitimate in their own world. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? even incorporated actual cartoon characters into the nitty gritty known as ‘reality’ to the rest of us. But just as things really seemed to be capable of fully delving into the world of the absurd, the new millineum hit, and realism began to steal the show.
All this to say, in a roundabout fashion, that Taken was exceptional because it didn’t concern itself with all the hang-ups of reality. Liam Neeson has one objective, and that’s to save his daughter. If that means conducting a man-hunt across national borders, outsmarting the entire French Government, and ramping SUV’s off of dirt mounds in construction quarries, then so be it. In addition, Neeson’s character was completely unflinching. A trait that, 15 years ago would have been a given, but today feels like a breath of fresh air. Neeson’s consciense is gone; completely out the window. He will stop at nothing and will spare no one to insure his daughter’s safety. Even if that means assaulting innocent people. (Wonderful scene, by the way. And don’t worry, I haven’t given anything away.)
The point I’m trying to make, is that, as a whole, I’m getting sick of the ‘Take a surreal concept (i.e. SUPERHEROES), and disect every possible reality-based, humanistic theme we can’ approach. Let Peter Parker be a snarky, quick-witted college kid, not a blubbering, slow, emotionless tool. Let Eddie Brock be 6’6”, 280 pounds with rippling muscles and incredible photography skills. Allow the Joker to be cartoonish and slap-happy-absurd, and yet still be dark (I will concede that, for this one, Ledger did do an INCREDIBLE job, but the point remains.). Etc. Etc. You get the idea. It may be an odd request, but lets bring the insanity back to Hollywood!
Donnie Darko was one of my all-time favorite movies. Everything about that film screams genius and tends to resonate with an intensely large fan base. When first released, Darko performed absolutely horribly in the box office. First seen as a small loss (it only cost 6 million to make, and only netted $517,000 in its original box office run), Darko was released on DVD with little hope to turn a profit. But turn a profit it did! Darko found new life and a cult following on DVD and has amassed quite a little loyal fanbase. Which in Hollywood-land can mean only one thing: Sequel.
When I had first heard that a sequel was being made to Richard Kelly’s masterpiece, I was livid. This kind of Hollywood tidbit is something right out of a joke. Donnie Darko is literally the opposite of a franchise film. I won’t ruin the ending for those who haven’t seen it, but let’s just say that there is very little room for continuation at the end. The only light at the end of the tunnel was that no one, let me repeat that, NO ONE, from the original had returned to work on the sequel except for Donnie’s younger sister, played by, Daveigh Chase,who I have lost an exponential amount of respect for.
ANYWAY…the movie has been getting far more press than it should for its upcoming straight to DVD release, and on Bloody Disgusting I just found a front-page article interviewing actress Briana Evigan about the film.
Welcome to my nightmare.
First, let me try to condense this next part of my rant so you don’t walk away. This girl represents the physical manifestation of everything that is wrong with Hollywood. She clearly did not understand anything that the first film had to offer and clearly barely understands the movie that she was JUST in. She is an absolutely moronic, unintelligible bafoon who cannot possibly grasp the concepts and themes dealt with in the first film, let alone help to carry them into a sequel!
Here’s where my grievances begin. When asked what she thought of the film, Briana’s highly enlightend review was…
I got to see S. Darko recently and really loved the way Corey came off in the movie. The movie as a whole to me is awesome, but it’s really weird and it’s kinda slow and sciency. I hope that people who are not interested in the science of it will check it out.
Exact quote. “It’s kinda slow and sciency.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! In what ring of hell do they find these people? Next manner of business: Please, Briana, explain to the nice reporter man why they had to change the look of Frank the Bunny in the sequel.
I don’t know why it looks the way it looks. I’m guessing that they just had to go different from the first one because they weren’t going to be allowed to use any of the same stuff. The bunny looks very cool, it’s very like hard looking as opposed to the other once.
See, to me, as a traditionalist and purest, if the author of the movie you are producing a sequel to refuses to give you any rights or licenses to even use images resembling the first, well, I would say that you are doing it wrong.
Finally, irony comes full circle to smack me in my face as my jaw hangs off the floor. When asked whether or not our little brain surgeon, Briana can imagine a third movie in the franchise, she dares to actually respond…
I cannot imagine them doing a third, if anything a prequel, but I cant imagine them doing that.
Now, I wonder why she cannot imagine a sequel? Could it be that she feels so strongly about this piece that she cannot fathom anyone adding anything to it without taking something away in the process? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY BRAIN, WHY? WHY? IT HURTS SO BAD!!! So this is how Nic Cage felt at the end of The Wicker Man.
In closing, I would just like to make this plea. Please, people, please, do something about this horrendous mash up of an abortion they’re trying to pass off as a movie. Hit Fox in the only place it hurts them. DO NOT SEE IT. Don’t rent it, don’t download it, hell, don’t even bootleg it. If no one gives this thing a single, shiny penny that it found on the floor of the Blockbuster they’ve just walked into, Fox will take a hint. And if you’re really livid, like me, never watch a single movie this mindless creten Briana Evigan’s in either. There are WAY too many much more talented actressess trying to make it in this industry for THIS girl to be getting cast. Grr…I’m gonna go make myself a bitter sandwich and wash it down with an irate shake.
