Creator’s note: OBVIOUSLY this is purely fictional. None of these events actually happened, blah, blah, blah. This is just a look into my sordid mind to see how a comic book geek like me views the world. I want to start a Vs. section of posts where I pit two celebrities/fictional characters/whathaveyou against each other and see who leaves from the scrap victorious. The stories will be just like picture books in that I’ve included a hyperlink everywhere where action ensues. I have included a video in those links to better flesh out the action on the page.
Will Smith was seen feverishly running down the streets of Los Angeles, right outside the Hollywood Scientology center the other day. Citizens grew concerned as he kept yelling “HELP! THEY’RE CRAZY! THEY’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!” at the top of his lungs and stopping traffic in an effort to secure a ride. As he managed to finally flag down a concerned, confused driver who offered him a lift, Tom Cruise tackled Smith firmly to the ground on his belly and began to slap hand-cuffs of some sort on the actor’s wrists. As Tom performed what seemed like an everyday task, he looked up at the crowd, smiled, waved, and said “Nothing to see here folks. This is just what can happen when you allow stress to contro-” Before Cruise could finish his sentence, Smith had bucked him off and was once again running at break-neck speeds down the street in between stopped traffic. Cruise rose to his feet and calmly launched a grappling hook around the mega star’s feet, pulling him slowly back towards a laughing Cruise. As Tom whipped out his cell phone to call in back-up, Smith pulled out a small, alien looking weapon and shot directly at Cruise. Cruise ducked in the nic of time, but the kickback from the weapon sent Smith flying in the opposite direction as well. As both stars scrambled to their feet, Smith, still terrified but with a slightly more confident air, pointed the gun directly at Cruise’s money-making mug and screamed, “One more step, Tom, and you know what the noisy cricket can do!” Tom steadily dropped his arms, and in a hypnotic, trance like tone, calmly replied, “Now Will, is that really want you vant to do? Come to me!“ As he repeated ‘Come to me’ in a weird, translyvanian accent, Smith, in a hypnotized stupor, dropped the weapon to his side and began to slowly move towards Cruise’s outstretched arms. As Smith came closer, Cruise opened his mouth to reveal his monstrously large fangs. As he began to close in on Smith’s neck, he whispered, “Shhh, it’ll all be alright, we’ll get you back to HQ and restart treatment. Shhh…” As Cruise began to nestle into Smith’s neck, a sleek, black Crown Vic roared up, blowing through traffic and screeched to a halt next to the awkward pair. Tommy Lee Jones shot out in a dapper black suit and blasted Cruise with an unknown, alien-looking gun the size of a tree trunk. “Take that you filthy Vampire/Scientist bastard!” Jones then herded Smith’s seemingly unconscious form into the passenger side and leapt in the driver’s side of the Crown Vic as he sped off. Cruise eventually scraped himself off the pavement and shook his fist in the air at no one in particular. Bystanders quoted him as saying, “THIS ISN’T OVER JONES, NOT BY A LONG SHOT!!!”
